It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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