Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
