No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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