What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
