If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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