My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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