Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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