Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
