When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
