dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
