No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
