Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
