want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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