i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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