Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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