"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
