guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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