I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
