Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
