I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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