Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
did you just send me my own nude
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
