Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
