i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
