i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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