Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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