I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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