I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
