we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
