you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
