Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
