Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
