There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
