How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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