my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
