im gay
i know
yea but for you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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