Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
