my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
