Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
