he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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