I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
