there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
