Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize