The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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