shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
