FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
