If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
