I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
