I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
