sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
