Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm jealous of your bromance
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
