How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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