My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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