Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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