Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize