remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
