The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
