the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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