your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
