So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
tell me about the fingering
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