My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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