It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
