hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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