can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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