I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
