we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
