Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
