I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
